Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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