I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize