hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
