they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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