Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
