I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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