You can't motorboat a personality
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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