I smell stomach acid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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