We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
