Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
