I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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