oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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