OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize