Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
