OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize