I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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