Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
