Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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