i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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