There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We are all done wearing pants today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
