I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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