Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
