Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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