the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
