I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
