i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
