Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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