Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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