So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
