my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
