I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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