You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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