I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize