i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
