i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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