Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
