I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
