Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
