I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
