YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i need some magic done to my vagina
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
