birth control should be required to get into college
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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