No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
