i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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