I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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