His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had to cum in my sink.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
