Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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