I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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