I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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