Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My nipple is on Facebook.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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