im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
