you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
