I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
