I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
