i don't like sucking hair
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
