How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
worst night to have a conscience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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