I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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