Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
