I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
