Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
