Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize