i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
