is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
