I need help removing her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
