we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
