My first STD was from a foam party
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
