I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
