I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
