There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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