this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
