i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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